things emmet is not allowed to do or sing
by ianto tarquin emmett p-dizzle
Summary: loads of people have done these so we decided to do one to rated T for some gay song references
1. Chapter 1

A/N We read lots of things Emmett is not allowed to do and decided to make our own list

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight but I do own these ideas

Things that Emmett Cullen is not allowed to do

Skip down the street in a pink shirt singing 'guylove' off 'Scrubs'

Wear Rosalies make-up

Sing 'Barbie Girl'

Wear Alice's new heels to go hunting in

Tell Alice her credit card has expired so she cant go shopping

Give Alice's teddy bear a Hitler moustache and monicle

Crash Alice's Porshe into the police station

Think about what it would be like kissing Bella whilst Edward is in the room

Sing 'if you were gay' down the schoold PDA system and dedicate it to Jasper

Streak, Flash or Strip

Do a gay dance to 'Everybody Dance Now'

Rap

Tell Carlisle that Alice used his credit card to buy a helicopter...

...That she then crashed into the Empire State building

Grow an afro

Wear a tie

Say... biggin it up to the U.K. massive

Carry a white cat and say ' so we meet again whoever you are' to everyone her meets

Say 'I do declare' before everything

Kidnapp the Queen Of Englands Corgies

P.S we do know that vampires cant grow their hair but it would be creepy if Emmett did have an Afro so we put it on.

P.P.S. If you want to know the words to 'If You Were Gay; then here they are...

ROD  
Aah, an afternoon alone with  
My favorite book, "Broadway  
Musicals of the 1940s."  
No roommate to bother me.  
How could it get any better than this?

NICKY  
Oh,hi Rod!

ROD  
Hi Nicky.

NICKY  
Hey Rod, you'll never  
Guess what happened to  
Me on the subway this morning.  
This guy was smiling at me and talking to me

ROD  
That's very interesting.  
  
NICKY  
He was being real friendly,  
And I think he was coming on to me.  
I think he might've thought I was gay!

ROD  
Ahem, so, uh, why are you telling me this?  
Why should I care?  
I don't care.  
What did you have for lunch today?  
  
NICKY  
Oh, you don't have to get  
All defensive about it, Rod...  
  
ROD  
I'm NOT getting defensive!  
What do I care about some gay guy you met, okay?  
I'm trying to read.  
  
NICKY  
Oh, I didn't mean anything by it, Rod.  
I just think it's something we should be able to talk about.

ROD  
I don't want to talk about it,  
Nicky! This conversation is over!!!  
  
NICKY  
Yeah, but...

ROD  
OVER!!!

NICKY  
Well, okay, but just so you know  
IF YOU WERE GAY  
THAT'D BE OKAY.  
I MEAN 'CAUSE, HEY,  
I'D LIKE YOU ANYWAY.  
BECAUSE YOU SEE,  
IF IT WERE ME,  
I WOULD FEEL FREE  
TO SAY THAT I WAS GAY  
(BUT I'M NOT GAY.)

ROD  
Nicky, please!  
I am trying to read....  
What?!

NICKY  
IF YOU WERE QUEER

ROD  
Ah, Nicky!

NICKY  
I'D STILL BE HERE,

ROD  
Nicky, I'm trying to read this book.

NICKY  
YEAR AFTER YEAR

ROD  
Nicky!

NICKY  
BECAUSE YOU'RE DEAR  
TO ME,

ROD  
Argh!

NICKY  
AND I KNOW THAT YOU

ROD  
What?

NICKY  
WOULD ACCEPT ME TOO,

ROD  
I would?

NICKY  
IF I TOLD YOU TODAY,  
"HEY! GUESS WHAT,  
I'M GAY!"  
(BUT I'M NOT GAY.)  
I'M HAPPY  
JUST BEING WITH YOU.

ROD  
High Button Shoes, Pal Joey...

NICKY  
SO WHAT SHOULD IT  
MATTER TO ME  
WHAT YOU DO IN BED  
WITH GUYS?  
  
ROD  
Nicky, that's GROSS!

NICKY  
No it's not!  
IF YOU WERE GAY  
I'D SHOUT HOORAY!

ROD  
I am not listening!

NICKY  
AND HERE I'D STAY,

ROD  
La la la la la!

NICKY  
BUT I WOULDN'T GET  
IN YOUR WAY.

ROD  
Aaaah!

NICKY  
YOU CAN COUNT ON ME  
TO ALWAYS BE  
BESIDE YOU EVERY DAY,  
TO TELL YOU IT'S OKAY,  
YOU WERE JUST BORN  
THAT WAY,  
AND, AS THEY SAY,  
IT'S IN YOUR DNA,  
YOU'RE GAY!

ROD  
BUT I'M NOT GAY!

NICKY  
If you were gay.

ROD  
Argh!


	2. Chapter 2

New things that Emmett is not allowed to do:

Announce that he is no longer called Emmett but Emmet (_Emm-ay_)

Go to a gay bar dressed as a sailor

Get married in Vegas to someone (boy or girl) especially Mike Newton.

Constantly think _I know a song that will get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on you nerves_ around Edward.

Prank Call the Volturi and tell them Edward wants to die and is serious this time.

Tell Carlisle he's thinking of growing a handlebar moustache

Convince Jasper to make Mike Newton feel in love with Edward and then tell him to make Mike follow him home...

...And then propose.

Wear makeup to school and then ask the head teacher whether it is his colour...

...then cry when told it isn't

Draw a moustache on Alice in permanent pen

Think about what his life would be like if Jasper married Edward whilst Edward is in the room

Get together with us and wreak havoc on Buckingham Palace.

Tell Carlisle that he is thinking about turning gay

Speak only in Swedish for a month

Become a Nun

Tell jasper that he is really enjoying a book called 'nuns having fun'

Insist that everyone calls him 'Tiny Tim'

Go around saying 'Shut up Mokuba' to everyone.

Paint himself blue and tell everyone that he is Papa Smurf

A/N: we got bored so decided to write this crap. Its Hannah's 14th birthday tomorrow.

Does anyone else think that Emmett is soooo cool? No? Then you suck!

Sorry we just like Emmett as he is very cool. I will stop rambling now. By Sophie and Hannah. Bring on the flames. (We throw our hands up in the air like in a Mexican wave whilst saying this no really, we did we have Amy as witness to this great moment of insanity.

PLEASE DONT TAKE US AWAY IN A WHITE SQUISHY VAN! NO! NOT AGAIN! NEVER AGAIN!

HA HA HA HA TRICKED YOU :P


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